Last few months has been really tough. My life is not the same anymore after the 18th Oct incident. Suddenly, problems keep coming in.
Life is at its best when everything has fallen out of place and I decided that I’m going to fight to get it right.
But sometimes we give so much that we end up losing ourselves. When we lose ourselves, sometimes we feel by ending our life is the only solution but suicide is only for cowards. I told myself to get up and face it like a man.
I always tried to talk but sometimes it get worse.
The past can hurt especially the good memories. But the way I see it, I can either run from it or learn from it.
I think the only reason why people hold onto memories so tight is because memories are the only things that doesn’t change when everybody else does.
Sometimes I have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to how they used to be. But if I work hard, maybe it can get even better than the last time.
I constantly give myself up to please others and then ended up feeling completely unappreciated and resentful.
Sometimes we must be hurt in order to grow. We must fail in order to know. We must lose in order to gain. Because some lessons in life are best learned through pain.
Sometimes, I’m afraid to feel attached to someone. I hate the feeling of losing someone who I allowed to become such a big part of my life.
I have so many friends. But why do I still feel so alone ?
Maybe because I don’t share my problem to anyone easily. Some problem are too personal to share such as family related problem. Some problem cannot be shared because I don’t want to tarnish that person reputation.
Alot of people thought I have a great life because they always see me so happy whenever I’m around them. Yes, I have to hide because I don’t want to spoil their day by giving them black face. I love to make people laugh and in order to make people laugh, I have to be happy though it’s suffocating.
I can just ignore the problem but what makes me fight is because I have faith in them, and faith keeps me going.
2014, Jan 1 is just few days away. I hope by then, everything will go back to how it used to be.